I've been so slack.
My last post was back in April, over 9 months ago. And since then, wow, my life has changed markedly. Beyond markedly. And Natty came along for the ride.
I'd known for a while I wasn't enjoying being a professor. You see, when you have a child arrive so early, you worry. You worry when you are supposed to be doing research, writing articles. You worry about the child incessantly (and it doesn't help matters that the worry is founded). But the tenure clock ticks continuously, early deliveries and all. It doesn't matter that your child is hospitalized, it's called publish or perish for a reason. Well, I was not producing. Anyone can see why. Moot point. So there was a proverbial Damocles sword swinging over my head. I knew it would arrive May 2012 with a "not asked back" ending. And besides, the professor life wasn't for me, anymore, although I am not sure it ever was. I missed the classroom.
So in April, when my folks came up for a visit, I told them. We loaded their truck and a UHaul trailer with some of my unneeded possessions. My game plan was to move this past or next summer, to a known job. Wel, the game plan worked. I applied in May, was interviewed in July, and began in August, a mere 2 weeks notice between offer and beginning.
And it was hell. Still is. The moving part. I hate to move. We are living in a rental house in a very depressed part of NC. There is one outlet per room. Extension cords snake across rooms. The heating bill is $400+ per month, insane. And right now, there is a draft past my fingertips as I type. But the house was reasonably safe and has definite charm. It has a gardener's delight of a yard (but I am too busy I can't enjoy that old pasttime).
And Natty is with the loves of his life, Grandma and Grandaddy, on a regular basis. He ADORES them. Adore is probably too passive. Mad crazy love. And they adore him too.
This move was made for a lot of good reasons. Professionally, it was a step up. Personally, goodness, I needed it. I needed to teach children again, to work with practicing teachers in the minutiae of pedagogy. But I also needed what it brought me - the support of my parents.
You see, Natty has been diagnosed with apraxia. Apraxia is a motor-planning disorder which prevents him from talking. All the worry over speech? Well-founded, it now appears. All the worry over feeding? Connected. Failure to Thrive, yep, it's there too. All of it, all the way back to the NICU. The Duke speech evaluator thinks it may be global motor-planning dysfunction. We're getting that part checked out. But I needed to be here ... my parents have been wonderful. They GET it. SOMEONE else gets it! I'm not alone anymore, fighting against smoke and mirrors, having doctors and therapists look at me as if I am crazy. No one is saying all this stuff is behavioral. No, it is mechanical, medical. And now people are starting to figure it out. And my parents are being the wonderful, caring, loving people they always have been ... and they prop me up when I am ready to fall.
I love my job now. It is intense but I adore it. But you know, I adore my son so much more. Natty is a wonderful, crazy, amazing little boy --- despite this issue. He is so happy. He loves to roughhouse, to play, to read his books, to flirt. And I get to be there with him while he does it all.
I promise to be less of a slacker from now on. And I will tell other pieces to the story at some point. But right now, I am exhausted and need some sleep. Have a good one!
